as usual, i'm late
behind on damn near everything and i have 2 exams staring me down. one tomorrow morning and one tuesday morning. i am looking forward to having at least some of my life back come noon cdt tuesday.
i am not in a state of mind to really think of anything deep or philosophical or whatever (not that i ever would anyhow, or even call it that) - let alone, post my pseudophilosophy on a blog. that said, i'll give the customary apology in advance for, everything really, including the lack of capitalization.
so......thinking...of... what to write about
monogamy?
sure!
i've been wondering lately if it is really truly possible at all angles. i mean, sure people point to the past and say, such and such couple has been together 50 years etc etc or they mention swans or some other bird known for monogamy. i can't speak for the swans, but as for the rest i say "?"
first, because there is no way of knowing what kinds of things those 50 year couples do. if they're anything like the folks in my family, it is likely someone got cheated on at least once.
also, as an advice column addict, i read a lot of dan savage (who does a lot of advising on sex and relationships). generally, he seems to be an advocate of open sexual realationships where appropriate (or, shall i say, where he deems appropriate). in short, there is no telling what kinds of arrangements these folks have. and don't even get me started on the polygamists and polyamorists.
i think about this from time to time because, well, i think everyone has at least once found themselves in a relationship and desiring another person. i'm just wondering which is better for our sanity, forming these bonds that may (and probably do) have a limited shelf life, or admitting to ourselves how these relationships are fixed in time and come what may.
i am also supposing some severe social consequences on both ends, of course.
to put this into an example, is it more psychically dangerous to pretend in the family and the monogamy that produces it or to create a society where that is not the expectation (or something in between)?
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Like with pretty much everything else having to do with humans, our biology has been very much divorced from our reality due to that always charming rascal - civilization.
ReplyDeleteMonogamy, and her sassy, sexy sister, "Takin-it-where-you-can-get-it," have been around since long before humans. In general, monogamy only occurs where it's advantageous to the offspring AND is a better investment for the male, in a quantity vs quality sort of thing. These two seem to balance to a rather small and somewhat specific barony in the animal kingdom. Mostly mammals, ones that aren't too big or too small, not too primitive nor too advanced. Perhaps there's a sweet spot in life span / gestation period comparisons that makes monogamy preferable.
These same things are true with primates. Only a small few are known to carry on monogamous relationships, and fewer yet mate for life. As far as I know, gibbons are the only members considered upper primates who are known to be content having cake and not eating it as well.
However, the point I had set out to make is that while humans are biologically designed for monogamy, many, many relationships have nothing to do with offspring anyway.
For better or for worse, philosophers and poets have put it in our heads that there is a certain kind of love that's absolutely clear and unquestionable - if you have it, you're eyes will never wander and your mind will never wonder. Add to that that many major religions found it convenient to or people to stay in nice, tidy, simple, clearly defined relationships, and *POOF* many people never think about it again. No one wants to think their life is worse than everyone else's and everyone else is in a deeply loving, lasting relationship, so we overlook our partners' flaws and tough it out, and make Dr. Phil proud.
I know a thing or two about bad relationships. And I personally believe that where there's smoke, there's fire. The culturally-constructed implications of monogamy try to make us feel bad for having doubts about an inadequate relationship. I haven't had one situation yet where I don't wish I had listened to that inquisitive (and skeptical) little voice in the back of my head earlier.