Explaining America

It started innocently. I was reading email over my first cup of coffee when my coworkers approached me with a problem. One of our products was not functioning properly. After describing the failure mode I had a hunch as to what the problem was. Being a huge fan of the scientific method, I immediately requested that we do some testing to prove out my theory. That and the notion that proving my ideas through testing is a safe bet to justify spending thousands of dollars on tool reworking. So, I asked simply, can we perform the tests. The answer was of course, no, due to us not having anything more than a screw driver and a hammer in our office. Thus began the first major lesson on Western thinking.

It started off innocently. We needed to buy some c-clamps to conduct some testing. We went to the first store, they had nothing except some Vise Grips. I bought them in on the spot. When asked why, I simply said that I wanted them. The next store also did not have c-clamps, but they did have a nice hex key set, so I purchased that as well. Now they thought I was being superfluous. At the final store, I hit the American Male Mecca. It was basically a hardware store. I spent a lot of Thesearefakedollars which turned out to be about 50 USD and bought clamps, pliers, socket sets, Dremel tools, a lot of stuff. My coworkers were looking at me like I was crazy. They kept asking, what do you need this for, or, why buy 2? I explained that you need two clamps minimum because if you clamp something down in one spot it can still rotate. This was understood by the engineers, not by the purchasing person.

After we got back to the office, the office manager was a little peeved at all the things I bought. He too thought it was a waste of money. I explained that sure, I have no need for these now, but these are all very common tools and we will be sure to use them soon enough and they will be nice to have around. I also explained that I bought them with my own money so he need not worry.

I didn't keep exact count, but I think it was less than 2 hours after I got back in the office that over 75% of the tools I bought were in use. My coworkers were a little shy at first, just asking to borrow them. After a little time they realized, holy shit, this is much easier now that I have the right equipment and they used them like crazy. After this the office manger gave me a reinbursement for the tools and stated, wow, this is great. We had no idea how useful these would be. I explained that this is genetic. I can not control my love for tools and their justification simply makes me love them even more. He then presented me with a list at the end of the day of other things they would like to do and asked that I pick out more tools tomorrow.

I know this is a very simple thing to most people, but after today I have realized that this is truly a western point of logic. It's easy for people in the US to wander into Home Depot or Lowes and get lost in the aisles and not think anything of it. After hunting for c-clamps for a couple hours and walking around in sweltering heat I was elated to find an actual hardware store. I also feel as if I was able to define the Boy Scout Motto to my fellow coworkers. (To the non-boy scouts, the motto is: Be Prepared.) I am excited to buy more tools tomorrow, and I hope you can share this excitement with me.

Thisisafakename